Fast & Furious

Fast & Furious (also known as The Fast and The Furious 4, not that this makes any goddamn difference) is, as its name implies, the fourth installment in The Fast and The Furious franchise, starring Vin Diesel as the lead Dominic Toretto, Paul Walker, and Michelle Rodriguez. Obviously, with three precedessors managing to gross a substantial amount of money (but not much critical acclaim), we were bound to see a fourth title at one point. And it didn't take that damn long for the producers to milk the (faltering) cashcow yet again.

I like to start at the beginning, as in how Vin Diesel is an extremely limited actor. Don't get me wrong, I like the guy. He was great in the first The Fast and the Furious movie, and he was bloody awesome in xXx. Put him in an action-packed movie, and that's where he shines. Get him to portray emotionally-ridden characters, and that's where he spectacularly fails.

At the start of Fast & Furious 4, Letty (played by Michelle Rodriguez), Dom's girlfriend, is murdered, and Dom returns to town to track down the murderer. This is also where we are supposed to sympathise with him for the loss of his girlfriend, but Diesel's portrayal of someone whose girlfriend has just been murdered is extremely unconvincing, and from that point forward, it is hard to relate with the character. The good thing about this is that this made me think back to the good old days of Steven Seagal, the master of one-dimensional characters.

Fast & Furious 4 is marginally better than Tokyo Drift (which is the timeline sequel to this fourth movie), but that's not saying much. The overall acting is sub-par, but considering this is essentially a B-movie, there's no point nitpicking. I'm not saying B-movies should equal poor acting, but this seems to be the Hollywood trend nowadays. However, since I am me, I will instead criticize something else.

As far as plot goes, there's not much in there other than the typical "guy wants revenge for his murdered girlfriend" story. There are however glaring flaws, the biggest one revolving around the bad buy Bragga (the usually excellent John Ortiz). The screenwriter actually tried to put in a plot twist revolving Bragga, where we find out that he has been hiding his identity. This could have worked, except for the fact that the FBI already had a file on him, but apparently nobody bothered to search for him in the database. I'm guessing the movie would have been at least five minutes shorter had they been logical, so they just had to piss all over the story with this kind of retarded detail. Back in my days, law enforcement was better portrayed in popular media.

The action is actually pretty good, but it's mainly about cars....and cars. I am having a hard time believing that all the car stuff that happens in the movie is actually possible, but the chases are pretty well-done and the cars being the movie's highlight, Fast & Furious pulls this off nicely. However, Fast & Furious 4 basically lacks charisma, substance, and whatever it is that makes people want to keep watching a movie. I felt thoroughly indifferent to what was going on, and there's nothing much to look at other than the cars. This is probably because the basic premise in The Fast and The Furious movies is one that gets old fairly quickly, and the novelty of the first title has already worn off. As a treat, here's a picture of Vin Diesel in 10 years:

Crank 2: High Voltage

I'm sure everybody's watched Pulp Fiction. There are many great things about Pulp Fiction, and there is no doubt that Tarantino's uniquely-directed movie deserves to be hailed as a classic. However, Christopher Walken's performance as a soldier on a mission is probably the best thing in the entire movie, which is surprising considering he doesn't even get that much screentime. That however doesn't suffice to take away from his powerful portrayal of a soldier who walks with a watch up his ass to keep a promise he made to a man who's no longer alive. That's the kind of person Christopher Walken is. He will shove a watch up his ass and keep it there for two frigging years.

Crank 2: High Voltage, as the sequel to Crank, was highly anticipated after the surprising success of the original. In this sequel, Jason Statham returns as Chev Chevios, the man who can never die. Since he can never die, we can safely deduce that there will indeed be a third Crank. In Crank 2, Chevios needs to run around looking for his heart, which has been stolen by the Chinese mafia.

That's it for the story.

While the story is obviously thin, Crank 2: High Voltage could probably still have been a great movie. As an example, the first Crank itself didn't have much of a plot, but it nevertheless sucked people in and was a terrific movie, at least as far as action flicks go. Crank 2: High Voltage is the complete opposite and will probably puke you out, if you are not puking yourself after 20 minutes.

It's hard to find anything even remotely praise-worthy in Crank 2. In fact, it takes real effort to keep watching High Voltage because of the extremely poor dialogue. The lines are cheesy, and not in the good way. As a good example of cause and effect, the horrible dialogue makes the acting equally poor. This is made even worse by the over-the-top acting and the fact that none of the actors in the movie, except for the lead, can actually act. Having over-the-top acting from a couple of actors can usually be a good thing, but when it involves all the actors, it turns out that it's not such a good thing after all.

The most important thing about Crank: High Voltage is that it's gross, and it's gross just for the sake of being gross. This isn't a case where the gross scenes have a reason for being in a movie and where they are well directed. Instead, it's as over-the-top as the acting. Crank 2: High Voltage is mainly about being gross, and something gross happens every two minutes, not taking into consideration the scene where we are shown a horse's genitalia. Yes, horse genitalia! That should be the point where you stop watching the movie.

At one point, High Voltage decides to step even further into the absurd and presents us with a severed head that is nevertheless alive. Fortunately, this happens quite far into the movie and at that point, Jason Statham could have turned out to be a tranny who's always high on coke (which he is, in a certain way) and I wouldn't even have cared. Before that, you will view a scene where Statham shoves a rifle up an obese man's ass. This may sound great, but it certainly is not as great as Christopher Walken shoving a watch up his own ass in Pulp Fiction.

The bottom line? I would not recommend anybody to watch Crank 2: High Voltage. In fact, I'd rather walk with a watch up my ass. That, and Jason Statham will never be as cool as Christopher Walken after this mess. He should stick a watch up his ass too.

Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li

It is not often that I completely loathe a movie, as those who know me personally will state that I am a true movie fan and can always enjoy find something to praise about a movie, however horrible it may overall be. Unfortunately, more and more recent movies seem to achieve this, mainly due to incredibly stupid plots and more incredibly bad acting. I recently made the mistake of watching Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li, and this has left a sour taste in my mouth.

Granted, reviews had already hailed The Legend of Chun Li as a massive disappointment, but I still carried on, convinced that a movie about Street Fighter could not be that bad. After all, the original Street Fighter was itself an atrocious Street Fighter movie, but nevertheless had its good points. However, this Street Fighter movie based on the first female fighting video game character, Chun Li, has no redeeming points whatsoever.

Of course, the cast itself should have been an indication that the movie would be nothing short of a blow to the Street Fighter franchise. Kristin Kreuk, as hot as she may be, looks nothing like Chun Li and her acting in this Street Fighter movie was particularly atrocious. The problem with this Street Fighter movie is that none of the cast looks like the character they are supposed to be, and no effort whatsoever was made to have them sport at least some resemblance to their Street Fighter alter ego.

Kreuk is not even Asian and most certainly lacks the physique to be Chun Li (who, let us all remember, is famous for her thighs, something which Kreuk will unfortunately never have). Gen is no longer an old man but is instead a relatively young Robin Shou, from Mortal Kombat fame. While the Van Damme movie was a crappy first attempt at a Street Fighter movie, it did have actors that looked like their video game counterparts. The original Street Fighter movie was also notable for Raul Julia's excellent portrayal of M. Bison. Fans of the Street Fighter series are this time left with a forgettable Bison (Neal McDonough).

The actors' pitiful performance is not helped by a ridiculous plot. I will briefly go over the fact that Chun Li is actually Asian when she is younger but then grows up to be American. That is probably something the late Michael Jackson would be proud of. Chun Li's father is abducted by M. Bison, and following this, Chun Li resolves to find him and kick Bison's ass at the same time (who wouldn't?). In order to do so, she must seek Gen who will teach her how to "fight".

When Chun Li finally catches up with Gen, the latter proceeds to create a fireball and throw it into a wall. Chun Li, as a true American-Chinese-Street Fighter citizen, merely looks on and is like "Cool beans! Where do I sign up?". The main story is that Bison wants to expand Shadaloo. Due to a severe case of either dementia or stupidity, everybody pronounces it "Sha-do-lao". Go figure. Along the way, Chun Li has an encounter with Vega, who is no longer Spanish, but is now Mexican. Morever, Vega wears his mask because he's goddamn ugly.

At one point, we are shown a flashback where Bison was an Asian baby but is Scottish when he grows up. Although he grew up in Bangkok, he nevertheless speaks English with a Scottish accent. Bison, who wants to be evil to conquer the world, decides he is not evil enough to carry out his formidable and totally original plans. He consequently takes his pregnant wife to a "Cave of Evil" where he rips the foetus out of his wife, obviouslly killing the woman the same time, and transfers his purity into the baby, I kid you not. However, Bison eventually has his grown-up daughter brought to him as she is now is only weakness.

...I am of the opinion that Justin Marks must have been high on weed when he wrote this and that he should be locked up for his crime against the Street Fighter brand.

Although the movie is called Street Fighter and is based on a figher, fights are pretty sparse in The Legend of Chun-Li. Incredibly enough, the best fight is the first one where Chun-Li's father fights Bison's henchmen, which include Michael Duncan Clarke as Balrog (rest assured that his acting is as shitty as the other actors'; in fact, I am going to boycott all his movies from now on). It is also evident that Kreuk cannot fight, as the producers try to hide this with some flashy effects and more "fast-motion bullet-time" (apparently, such a thing now exists) than you can shake a stick at. Kreuk, who is supposed to be Chinese, also strggles to speak mandarin.

Chun Li eventually manages to track Bison down with Nash's help, and the finale consists of a fight between Gen and Bison, followed by another one between Chun Li and Bison. Chun Li uses her street fighting skills to eventually beat Bison while the latter's daughter is watching. In probably the worst scene in Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li, she then proceeds to brutally murder Bison with his daughter still watching with a horrified look on her face. At the end of the movie, Chun Li turns to Nash, gestures to the girl, and says with a straight face (the only emotion available in Kristin Kreuk's repertoire) "Make sure she has a good life.".

Yes, that is how stupid the movie is. I am surprised that such a script was accepted, and even George Lucas would have to dig hard to come up with such cheesy lines. The other big disappointment with The Legend of Chun Li is that it's about Chun Li. In this aspect, this second Street Fighter live action movie shares the same problem as its predecessor. Street Fighter is about Ryu, the game's main protagonist. If fans want a Street Fighter movie, they will expect to see Ryu in it, and he'd better be the main actor. Unfortunately, important character like Ryu, Ken, and Akuma don't even get a cameo in The Legend of Chun Li.

Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li also tries to make to many changes to appeal to a greater audience. Ultimately, this happens for most video game-to-movie adaptations, and Hollywood still won't learn from their past mistakes. By changing the storyline, they are effectively alienating the only people who care about the movie in the first place: the original fans. It serves no purpose making mass changes for the benefits of the wide screen, as the general audience probably doesn't give a crap about the movie anyway. Had they stuck to the source material, they would probably have churned out a decent movie, and the buzz alone would have led non-fans to watch the movie. There is a reason why book adaptations usually work so well while video game ones fail so spectacularly.

I like to think that this movie never existed. The first Street Fighter movie was in itself a bad movie too, but it had some charm about it and it's bad in a fun way. Unfortunately, Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li does not have this charm and is instead thoroughly irritating.

The funniest thing is that this three-minute scene from Jackie Chan's City Hunter is still the best live action Street Fighter "movie" we ever got:



Jackie Chan = Legend

Finding Hotmail Passwords using JavaScript

I was messing around with JavaScript, and it seems that there is a way to find a Hotmail password if it has been typed into the password textbox. For this to work, the form must not yet have been submitted.

Apparently, typing the code

javascript:alert(document.getElementById('$').value);

where $ = name of the password textbox

as the URL may cause the password to be displayed in an alert box. The code is case-sensitive.

In the case of Hotmail, the textbox name is i0118:



I have tested this on a couple of other websites, as demonstrated below:


I have only tried this in Firefox, but I am assuming it would also work in Internet Explorer and other browsers. Obviously, given the steep requirements for this to work, the likelyhood of successfully obtaining access to an account using this method is minimal at best and would probably not work in a real-life situation. I however think that tons of pranks can be made by exploiting this bug and using it on non-savvy PC users.

Nostalgia on YouTube

Fonky Family - Art de Rue

I am ashamed to say that I had completely forgotten about this stunning French rap. At the time, French hiphop had reached its apotheosis with the likes of IAM, NTM, Passi, Stomy Bugsy, KDD, and Saian Supa Crew sweeping across the country, and all these artists knew how to churn out stellar, spectacular rap that actually meant something. I recently came across this video on YouTube while searching for the song Bad Boys de Marseille by IAM and Fonky Family.


Since I pride myself on being cynical and hard to please, I would usually simply say that this was a nice video to stumble upon and just move on without even praising YouTube. However, I then found the following in the related videos:

Fonky Family - Art de Rue Live

I frigging love YouTube!

goosh.org - the unofficial google shell

goosh.org proudly proclaims itself as "the unofficial google shell" (apparently, uppercase letters are overrated, so I will just tag along). Written by Stefan Grothkopp, goosh essentially acts as an AJAX front-end for Google. Its advantages are that it is extremely fast since it is merely a shell and that it gets rid of the long-winded descriptions that usually come with Google searches and sponsored listing. goosh is not just extremely fast, it is ridiculously fast.



The thing to note about goosh is that it will by default return the first four results for your search, which is actually a good idea, since it is no secret that nobody gives a damn about links other than the top three (unless you used a non-top three link to reach this blog, which makes it okay). However, rest assured that these settings can be changed as goosh already offers several commands, which are more than enough to make it worth bookmarking.

Of course, one could come up with the argument that most Internet providers now offer fast speeds at extremely affordable costs and that people still using dial-up should just stop using computers altogether and go back to using Sir Alan Sugar's Amstrad. However, mobile Internet is on the rise, and when browsing the Internet using devices such as an iTouch (hell yeah!) or a Blackberry (hell no!), goosh can be extremely useful.

goosh also works exactly as a shell and the commands are intuitive (and can always be displayed simply by typing h), thereby giving it a learning curve of at most 2 seconds. If all this doesn't convince you to give it a try and to add it to your Firefox search engines (command addengine), I honestly don't know what will.